Mating rituals
I have some deeper thoughts on the mating rituals of people in their 20's, 30's, and beyond.. kind of a thought as I think about myself and my pal KK who is getting married next month.
I think about my other two sets of pals the K&J's. Originally there were 3 K&J's, but now only 2. The 3rd K&J (KK) kind of went thru a traumatic end much like my last relationship ending. The observations between the K&J's and myself are the basis of this mini thought.
I think of relationships that start in their 20's as something that creates a special bond. It is because during these 20's you are really growing and learning alot about life. You experience starting work and being on your own (early 20's), to establishing yourself in your careers (late 20's) and buying property and building a nestegg (early 30's). It molds a person to go thru all this, and if you are fortunate to go thru it with a partner, then the struggles and joys you experience together create a special bond.
I've had that growth and bonding stage. Twice. I admit it was nice. While it doesn't assure permanence in relationships (obviously not for me), I feel it is a strong pillar to build on. Alot of fond memories (and mammories).
So I look at KK and his bride to be, and wonder whats happening here. I'm concerned about him because I see myself in his situation in many ways. After being in a long long relationship, I've found it hard to connect and start building a new history with someone at this age. People are a bit more molded and are basically grown up already in their 30's. Dating game is different post 30.
Not to alarm you all, I don't plan to jump into marriage by any means. I'm no a risk taker like KK, so it will take me a while to get to that point of proposing -- I'm way too skeptical to jump in quickly. But I feel for his perspective -- he is ready to get married, wants to move to the next phase of life. He hasn't met anyone he has really connected w/ after dating countless gals, and this latest one, while not ideal, is ready to go! All the warning signs exist, but he's willing to take a chance. I should applaud it -- one needs to take risks in life.
I think the key thing that troubles me with KK is that he set expectations early on that he may not be able to meet. He courted her with lots of $$$, fancy trips, his luxury pad, his BMW, and never seems to refuse an expensive request from his bride to be. The man isn't made of money and feels once the marriage is done, she will slow down. I don't know if that is a safe assumption, I imagine it could get worse after marriage. His perspective is that she isn't a spring chicken and has few options at her age, so she is going to make it work as well. It is logical, but logic doesn't always play favor with crazy women. I hope he is right.
Anyways no more about KK -- I need to be more supportive now that I've offered him my concerns.
I think about my other two sets of pals the K&J's. Originally there were 3 K&J's, but now only 2. The 3rd K&J (KK) kind of went thru a traumatic end much like my last relationship ending. The observations between the K&J's and myself are the basis of this mini thought.
I think of relationships that start in their 20's as something that creates a special bond. It is because during these 20's you are really growing and learning alot about life. You experience starting work and being on your own (early 20's), to establishing yourself in your careers (late 20's) and buying property and building a nestegg (early 30's). It molds a person to go thru all this, and if you are fortunate to go thru it with a partner, then the struggles and joys you experience together create a special bond.
I've had that growth and bonding stage. Twice. I admit it was nice. While it doesn't assure permanence in relationships (obviously not for me), I feel it is a strong pillar to build on. Alot of fond memories (and mammories).
So I look at KK and his bride to be, and wonder whats happening here. I'm concerned about him because I see myself in his situation in many ways. After being in a long long relationship, I've found it hard to connect and start building a new history with someone at this age. People are a bit more molded and are basically grown up already in their 30's. Dating game is different post 30.
Not to alarm you all, I don't plan to jump into marriage by any means. I'm no a risk taker like KK, so it will take me a while to get to that point of proposing -- I'm way too skeptical to jump in quickly. But I feel for his perspective -- he is ready to get married, wants to move to the next phase of life. He hasn't met anyone he has really connected w/ after dating countless gals, and this latest one, while not ideal, is ready to go! All the warning signs exist, but he's willing to take a chance. I should applaud it -- one needs to take risks in life.
I think the key thing that troubles me with KK is that he set expectations early on that he may not be able to meet. He courted her with lots of $$$, fancy trips, his luxury pad, his BMW, and never seems to refuse an expensive request from his bride to be. The man isn't made of money and feels once the marriage is done, she will slow down. I don't know if that is a safe assumption, I imagine it could get worse after marriage. His perspective is that she isn't a spring chicken and has few options at her age, so she is going to make it work as well. It is logical, but logic doesn't always play favor with crazy women. I hope he is right.
Anyways no more about KK -- I need to be more supportive now that I've offered him my concerns.
posted by The Big Time at 1:58 AM
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