Perhaps a Realization

Perhaps I've realized something.. its that I haven't been that happy a person either w/ or w/o a girlfriend. I think having a nice gf was covering up for alot of other inadequacies in my life. I hadn't been that happy with my career/work life and hadn't really found greater meaning in life.

I can distinctly and succinctly recall that struggle over finding some passion in life even while w/ my ex-gf. I think having the gf around kind of dulls some of the pain and lets you live day to day because you have a partner in life and you realize its not all about work. Take out that one piece of the puzzle and you have exposed a house of cards. It comes crashing down all of a sudden.

Equate this to my situation at work. It was never great at my present job, but factor in big bonuses and fat OT and you cover up the pains. You remove the OT and alas, another house of cards is exposed. It exposes alot of the pain and misery of the situation.

I didn't mean to be so dreary! Work isn't that bad. Its been a bit of a downer week since my boss decided she didn't want to pay OT anymore! But alas.. gets me to think about what it is I really want to do, rather than letter the benefits hide the problems.

I must recount my Tahoe trip this weekend.. it was so intense, it deserves a seperate blog.